Category Archives: America

"I need my burger," says America

White America, We love you!

We all know that our favorite America needs someone or the other to blame to put their rusting weapons and army to use for their good. Afghanistan, Iraq, kinda South Korea (still trying though!), Iran, and then list will continue until the cows come home. However, there has been a recent entry into this honorable list, a country which hasn’t attacked forget ruled for over 2000 years, a country so peaceful that more than a billion kill each other everyday leave alone the time to conspire against anyone else, a place so serene and beautiful that selling masks and setting up a medicine factory will easily make you richer than Warren Buffet, Lakshmi Mittal, Ambani Bros, Bill Gates’ entire wealth put together – India.

I heard Condoleeza “Rice” saying that the food shortage faced by the world is due to India, yes, India. The reason? Our population is expanding at such a disastrous rate that we are cutting down on our exports of food products leaving the poor kids of the western world hungry for their burgers and pizzas. Hmm… pretty interesting. Now imagine a scenario where America will announce a war against India for stocking up food items for its own people and not letting America feed its poeple. Bush might make this ultra secret speech of his public in coming days of which I have smuggled a copy, “This is a direct infringement of the rights of the Americans, the first citizens of the world, for food. Its us who have the first right over any food item and oil, both cooking and burning in this world. If any country tries to feed its own people and not America, I, inedible Bush, on behalf of the greatest sucker on the ass of this planet will wage a war. A war for the freedom of food that deserves to be eaten by us, a war for the rightfully hungry cattle of the western world and a war for setting things wrong from right.”

So all my fellow Indians, remember that its America’s cattle who needs our maize and wheat more than our poor. It is our customary duty to bow to them and feed them with open hands and clean their shit. As we haven’t learnt to make right right, don’t be surprised if the Indian ass-licking govt tomorrow actually goes on to say that due to the pressures from the western world and to maintain the inflow of FDI into the country so that we could prosper and our economy could grow at 9 percent every year, we have decided to continue the food exports to America and other western countries at prices lower than the minimum wage a laborer gets in India.

Taking stocks from the situation

Move over birds and bees as the bull and the bear are here! I bet that this is one topic people are talking about everywhere, adding some sense to the sex – the sensex! My knowledge of the stock market is not very deep-rooted and hence the terms like bear market and bull market actually amuses to the extent that I tried to search for their origin on the internet but alas, couldn’t find any 😦

Anyways, I think this issue can take a back seat for a few days and a much larger issue has to be taken note of – the nose diving markets all over the world. It is funny how America knowingly or unknowingly control the world. Either through the muscle or by using the dollar, its America all the way. I will give you an example from the world best seller ‘Shantaram’ which according to me fits this current situation to the T. Remember the lines where Lin comes to know that just for him to enjoy his hot water bathe twice a day, men have to carry bucket full of water on their shoulders to the tank situated on top of India Guest House? Lin feels ashamed of himself that just because of his indulgence and luxurious demand someone has to toil hard in the sun to the extent that he decides to stop his hot water bath. Precisely at this moment, Prabhakar shows him to other side of the coin. The side, grimmer and darker than a night without moon, he tells Lin that just because he wants to have a hot water bath twice a day, the man is able to earn some money by filling the tank everyday. So instead of stopping the indulgence, he should have more of those bathes as that burns the stove in the man’s home.

Now, to me this example fits perfectly to what is happening in the world economy. America is Lin and we all are those men who fill the tanks with hot water and survive on the earning. The point to be made is that there was a time when Lin left the guest house and the man must have been jobless till someone else filled Lin’s shoes. This time has come for America. We, India, must overthrow the Lin and take control of the situation rather than living on the mercy like rest of the world. It is strange to see how the world markets react to the rate cut in the US.

I mean, even if the slightest of problems cloud upon the US, we feel the jitters like its a butterfly effect of some sorts. Making sense out of the Sensex should be our top priority and overthrowing the US in terms of markets, both sensex and sex should be addressed with a certain degree of seriousness.

Till then, happy trying 😉

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